My Roots​

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I’ve traced my ancestral lineage back to the Scott-Irish, English and Native Americans. My most recent family heritage is deeply Southern Appalachian. My family settled in the Appalachian Mountain Region in the early 1800’s. They loved it so much they decided to stay and I’m so glad they did.

 

I was born and raised in East Tennessee at the foothills of the Smokies. It’s true to say that the Mountains, Rivers, Rocks and Streams were instrumental in my upbringing. My magical childhood was filled with imaginary play, hiking, church and neighborhood shows (produced and directed by yours truly). Where I come from, the roads are curvy, the cookin’ is a country and the people are kind. 

 

My parents would have given us kids the sun and the moon if they could. I owe them so much. They each have the heart of a servant and the kind of  Faith that can move mountains. There was always laughter in our home. It’s how we coped with everything. Love was abundant and unconditional. Cultivating community was how we used our creative gifts. Whether it was a birthday party, youth retreat or slumber party, my parents knew how to make people feel welcome, loved and inspired. 

 

It’s because of them that I had the courage to follow any dream that landed in my orbit. By ingraining a strong sense of Faith, teaching me the value of Community and supporting my every heart’s desire, I am able to dream with Confidence. 

 

Hope for the Wild Dreamers.

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I’ve always been a wild dreamer. I get it from my Dad. My Mom is also a dreamer; although, her dreams are more . . . well, organized, perhaps more grounded in reality. Dad and I can sit for hours and let our imagination run wild together, oftentimes too wild. 

 

It was in 2010, when I decided to adopt his 13 year-old-childhood-dream of thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail and claim it as one of my own. Four years later in 2014, we climbed Mount Katahdin and set out on our journey together. The time we spent on trail changed my life in ways that I’m even just now starting to realize. I re-connected with nature. I saw things with new eyes. I found community. I became inspired and motivated to live a life rich in Meaning and Wild, Wonder. That meant quitting my stable job with my cushy salary that upheld my comfortable lifestyle so that I could move to the spirited ,mountain town of Asheville, North Carolina. I started working at an outdoor store that was fun and low stress. I moonlighted as a candle-maker and was also developing another business concept on the side. 

 

I was living the Dream.  .  . Until, I was living a nightmare. 

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In 2016, life gave me one of those “character building years” and it broke me wide open. Without going into the messy details - let’s just say I was having a major personal crisis that sent me deep into a dark spiral of depression. A spell that lasted four long, dark years. There was loss, deep grieving and feelings of hopelessness. I spent two years in the depths of my pain and two years in recovery. 

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Re-discovering Hope through Healing

 

It was a hard, but necessary chapter of life. I asked myself heavy questions as I explored the depths of my soul in search of the Light. What am I here for? What is my purpose? How do I want to live my life? What makes me happy? Why do I feel so bad? Where is my pain coming from? How can I feel better? These questions blazed the path. 

 

I clung to the words that the poet, Rumi once said: “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

 

I devoted myself to staying open and curious. The emotional highs and lows were tossing me back and forth like waves in a storming sea. On the darkest days, I anchored myself to anything I could hold on to while the tears passed- pen and paper, my yoga mat, my rose quartz, photos of that *special day*, poems and old love notes. 

 

On my most hopeful days, I reached out for support. I got help. I booked a therapist. I found a healer. I had my womb energetically cleared. I meant with an Astrologer. I sat with a Shaman. I studied with a Reiki Master. I called my mom. I called my girlfriends. I prayed.

 

Re-Birth of the Soul

 

It was becoming a mother and surviving the first year of parenthood, when I began to really feel the Light again. A beautiful, brutal re-birth of the soul. I had a purpose, but it was still feeling hollow because I wasn’t living my passion. I wasn’t living my passion because I still didn’t BELIEVE in myself. I had to get out of the cave.

 

This is where that changes. Someone asked me yesterday “can’t you just chose to be the person you want to be and decide to be it”? I scoffed like it was that easy. . . but now, I’m wondering, can it be? Can I be the strong, positive person I want to be? I think little by little I can. Day by day, I can decide to Believe in myself, Behave in ways that feel true to be and Become the woman I am meant to be. There is so much I don’t know. However, there is a lot I do know. 

 

The things I know

 

There is so much I still wonder about- things I still question. However, I do know that I feel inspired to create a good life for my family and help the ambitious dreamers coming behind me. I know I can use what I have, to do more of what I love and to be thankful for life itself. To be here is such a gift. I know I can be a beacon of Hope for all those healing and feeling their way through. Whatever tall mountain, deep ocean or dark valley is in front of you, I believe you will get through it. I know you can.

 

Do us all a favor and believe it, too. Believe, Believe, Believe. We all deserve it.